Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Trusting in His Timing

"I'm bored."

"I'm frustrated."

"I'm going stir crazy."

"I'm DYING to work." 

"When will the right job come along?"

I literally whine these and other statements daily.  Seriously.  Ask my husband.  Yet I've been going about this all wrong.  I'll start with a bit of background...

Upon graduating high school I attended University of Delaware, majoring in Accounting.  Easter Sunday my father informed me that my mother and I were to finance the rest of my education.  Right.... My mom had been a stay-at-home mom, and only recently rejoined the workforce at entry-level.  I was stuck.  With a few thousand $ left on my spring term bill. Thanks to my maternal grandparents and my mom, I was able to finish that semester.  Then I realized I couldn't go home, I needed to find a place to live.

Enter my big brother E. 

Scanned Pic, April 2006
Ian had just graduated from UD, and gotten an apartment.  And he let me move in with him. And stay there 3 years.  Wow, we had some really good memories there, didn't we E? At one point all four of us were living there together and it was awesome.  It was like the boxcar children.  Weebs and Reigh were still in HS, and Ian and I were the working parents!

Anyways, the next 5-6 years consisted of me working full time all the while in and out of community college part time.  I have to admit I didn't see a future.  I was working as a retail manager in fine jewelry making some considerable money, but after rent, school and other bills (including too much shopping, I'll admit it!) there wasn't much left. 

Christmas, 2005. Strawbridges, Bensalem, PA.

Then came my break.  August 2007 I was laid off of my job without any notice.  I guess my second break came next with the crappy economy.  I was on unemployment 2 years.  I finished up my associates and started attending Rutgers University.  Then came love.  The hubs and I were married in 2008 and I decided after 7 months living in separate states that I needed to move to Virginia to be with him.  I chose my love and never looked back.

Long story short, upon moving to Virginia, I needed to establish my residency, found a full time job, then we bought a house...yada yada yada.  In September of 2010 I made the decision to return to school full time.  I decided on Mary Baldwin College, which was 20 minutes from our love shack.  Two semesters later, this happened:

I graduated.  After 10 years, I did it. 

I did it.  I did everything I was supposed to.  I sacrificed for years, mostly emotionally, considering myself not good enough. I watched my two younger siblings graduate together from Rutgers and would have given anything to be graduate with them. Now what? Why am I still unemployed? Why are the calls not coming, and those that are, not worth it?

Because I'm not trusting HIM.  My God that has gotten me this far in my life has a plan for me, but I'm not willing to trust Him and allow him to bring it to me. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5,6

DUH AMY.  It's that simple.  I'll be the first to admit that it's not that simple sometimes.  My sinful nature gets the best of me and I want what I want, and I want it now.  But that's not how it works.  The Lord has his timing and knows what is best for me.  I need to accept that and be happy where I am. I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a stay-at-home-wife, and instead of embracing this opportunity, I constantly complain how bored I am.  Philippians 4:11 has been a favorite verse of mine for years, and one I struggle with:

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content"

It's so hard to trust the unknown.  It's so hard to trust that the Lord has a plan for me and that it is good for me.  But you know what? It brings such peace! As my mom says, you lay it at the cross.  You leave it at the cross.  And you can begin to have peace. 

Even in writing this, He is with me.  When I was using Bible Gateway, this popped up as the verse of the day:

“The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe.” Proverbs 29:25

I'll finish with this verse:

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalms 18:2

This song immediately came to mind:

What are you worrying over that you could place at the feet of Jesus?

1 comment:

  1. This was awesome. And congrats, you're an inspiration to an "older" student like myself! And what a great Word, too. Just awesome.


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