Today marks 31 days of an absolute no-buy for the first time in over 10 years. For those of you that know me you know what an accomplishment that is. Thirty one days of no new nail polish, no new earrings, shoes, bags, anything.
My shopping problem, yes, it is a problem, began in 2002 when I was forced to leave college and start working full time. It didn’t help that at 19 I was a retail manager at a beautiful department store full of designer shoes, bags, clothes, home goods, and more importantly jewelry. In my head, my discounts somehow justified my spending- how could I pass up a $300 bag that I could get for $225? Or an $1800 pink sapphire ring for $375?
Over the last few months I realized the last 10 years I was shopping to disguise emotional trauma in my life. When I started working full time, I was heartbroken that I wasn’t able to be in school, that I was working 9-10 hour days, that I had no friends, let alone the time or energy to hang out and party like most 19 year olds. Looking back, I realize I was forced to grow up fast, and the emotions I was experiencing were being covered up by shopping.
My friends were my siblings, my boyfriend at the time, and the women I worked with, who ranged in age from 45-75. When you work til 11pm closing, and have to be back in at 7am to open the store, there’s no partying, you go home and go to bed. I learned responsibility and self-reliance early in life, this may account for why I have little to no tolerance for kids these days. (Or kids 10 years ago for that matter.) When you’re still a kid yourself and are facing rent, insurance, utilities, and food bills, it puts things in perspective rather quickly.
Gradually over the next few years, I racked up $12k in credit card debt. Yikes. I was paying my bills, but shopping had taken a hold of me and had pulled me under. The heartbreak of putting school on hold, menial jobs, breakups, and emotional scars from childhood had me in a bind. I fell into the trap of telling myself that ‘stuff’ would make me happy. Well, apparently $12k later, I still wasn’t happy and was in severe debt.
Upon losing my job in 2007 and returning to school while on unemployment, I paid off my debt gradually, and am proud to say I have less than $750 in credit card debt currently. But that doesn’t mean my shopping had stopped. I was out of control. I was still spending, but with cash rather than credit.
Since January, my husband and I have been trying to follow a budget, and by trying I mean he’s trying, I’m blowing money left and right. To the tune of $600 (on average) a month. And on what? Well, I can’t even begin to tell you or explain. I wish I could say a Michael Kors watch or two, electronics, designer bags, jewelry, or some other big-ticket items, but it’s not the case. It’s nail polish first and foremost, clothes, shoes, beauty products, $30 trips to Target, etc. I mean who gets out of Target for under $30?!? I digress…
Then it happened. I shared a photo on instagram of a set of Essie nail polishes that I picked up at Ross, a steal for $17.99.
As you can see, it was a set of 6 Essie nail polishes, a value of $48+, and I was ecstatic when I picked it up. But an odd thing happened. I couldn’t bring myself to actually use the polish. It sat on my desk for over a week. I attempted to use it a few times, but this feeling of guilt and nausea overcame me. And then I woke up on Wednesday, August 1st, and I immediately knew why. It was an unnecessary purchase, and subconsciously I knew it needed to be returned. I had a self-inflicted no-buy on my hands.
Over the years my husband had tried to help me curb my spending, but I would immediately get defensive and pick fights with him. He has never yelled at me for my spending, but worse, he was disappointed. But this time was different. It finally clicked in my head that enough was enough. I knew I needed to change myself.
That weekend I returned the Essie’s and over $100 worth of items sitting in my office unopened. And something happened. I was at peace. My husband was elated. After returning what I could, I decided to put up other items I had new (without receipts or beyond return date) on ebay, and sold $300 worth. I started looking around my office at the stuff I had accumulated and was angry at myself. All these years and thousands of dollars for what? Clutter. Emotional baggage.
I’m not saying m emotional baggage has healed. It certainly hasn’t. I still struggle with loneliness, missing my family, not fitting in, not being able to make friends, being left out, etc. But I’ve taken a HUGE step in the right direction. And I am so proud of myself.
This isn’t just for August. I was worried that once September 1st hit I would go crazy, making up for the shopping ban I had put on myself in August. But the other night while looking through the Ulta catalog that had come in the mail, I realized I had changed for good. One of my favorite nail polishes, Butter London, will be BOGO in September, and I immediately started thinking about which polishes I wanted. And I could only come up with 2. Perfect! I am planning on picking up ‘Come to Bed Red’ and ‘Teddy Girl’, for $14, all of which will be covered with my rewards, so free. Smart shopping. The old Amy would have picked out 10-12, having my husband purchase some behind me in line, to avoid the minimums set.
This isn’t just for August. I was worried that once September 1st hit I would go crazy, making up for the shopping ban I had put on myself in August. But the other night while looking through the Ulta catalog that had come in the mail, I realized I had changed for good. One of my favorite nail polishes, Butter London, will be BOGO in September, and I immediately started thinking about which polishes I wanted. And I could only come up with 2. Perfect! I am planning on picking up ‘Come to Bed Red’ and ‘Teddy Girl’, for $14, all of which will be covered with my rewards, so free. Smart shopping. The old Amy would have picked out 10-12, having my husband purchase some behind me in line, to avoid the minimums set.
I know every month will not be a $0 month, I am being realistic. But the following are some rules I have enacted for myself when it comes to shopping:
- For every bottle of nail polish I buy, I must get rid of/donate/sell 2 bottles
- I will only buy colors that I absolutely want, no more mindlessly picking up colors because I walked into the store and they were on sale
- Any clothing/shoes/bags bought, must replace a donation to Goodwill
- The Gelish nail system that will be my September purchase must be funded by ebay sales, etc.
- Beauty product purchases must replace an empty bottle of an existing product
- Just because I have a coupon, doesn’t mean I have to use it
Have you ever gone on a self-imposed shopping ban?
